Loneliness?

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. “

(Deuteronomy 31:8 - New International Version)

I can't offer all the answers…just my thoughts. There have been times, even in the midst of a crowd (even during church) when I have felt lonely.

Did you know that, in the United Kingdom, statisticians predict that by 2031, 18 per cent of the total population of England will live alone? It’s a trend that is occurring in much of the western world. Aside from the material concerns of housing and resources to support this shift in patterns of living, there is a far more concerning aspect of this change: loneliness.

If God is with us all of the time and will not forsake us, then surely being lonely is impossible? Unfortunately, it is all too possible to feel lonely, and for a variety of reasons. Sometimes the situation can be made worse through guilt about feeling lonely!

Why do we feel lonely?

There are a multitude of reasons that people can feel isolated. Some explanations are pretty obvious, such as separation from family and friends due to circumstance, but others are trickier.

“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

(Psalm 34:18 - New International Version)

Sometimes people isolate themselves, as past hurts have made them guarded, building a protective wall in order not to get hurt again. Illness or tragic circumstance can cause people to feel isolated, that no one can reach them in their suffering. Yet, God knows the secrets of our hearts and understands that there are times of trouble in which we feel alone and this, I believe, is why He reminds us that He will never forsake us.

Getting bogged down in loneliness can lead to a vicious cycle of feelings about being unworthy of the company of others. The doubts being whispered in our ears do not come from God, they come from the enemy. Those faithful to the Lord ARE worthy.

“All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God.”

(from 2 Thessalonians 1:5 - New International Version)

God created us, loves us and deems us worthy. So much so that His son died for each and every one of us so that we could be in relationship with Him. God wants to be with us, so we are certainly worth knowing!

What can we do about loneliness?

One myth is that online social networking ‘cures’ loneliness. In fact, the opposite is often true. Here’s a short video that explains it far better than I can.

To avoid loneliness we need to develop real intimacy and connection.

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’”

(from Genesis 2:18 -New International Version)

When you feel lonely, ask God if He is prompting you. Who could you make connections with? Think about ways you could help others. When ministering to other people we develop real and meaningful connections with them and reveal the glory of God through our lives.

Mother Teresa said this of loneliness: “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty ... Spread love everywhere you go - first of all in your own house. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”

She was referring to the loneliness of others, but it seems that doing as she says is a huge step towards conquering any isolation that we may feel too. Living for other people and for their happiness creates a sense of fulfilment and real connection with others.

That is why fellowship is vitally important in our lives.

We need to be proactive in finding a way out of loneliness…looking for opportunities to make connections with people. We can join ‘house groups’ in our churches and get to know people that way, or through a number of other groups, in and out of church.

It can be a daunting prospect - so PRAY!

Pray that you will be shown the right opportunities, for confidence of spirit and for the right people to meet with. 

Actively Seeking Solitude

“It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

(Lamentations 3:26 - New International Version)

Being on our own is not always a bad thing. Having some time to yourself can be refreshing, as it allows you to sort out your thoughts and feelings, as long as you do not dwell on them negatively. It can be satisfying, in the same way as tidying a cluttered cupboard!

Having some time on your own can also give you the chance to study The Bible in more depth and seek God’s wisdom. Time spent with The Bible is incredibly powerful, rewarding and blessed.

“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”

(Luke 5:16 - New International Version)

Being on our own is good for our prayer life. It allows us to spend some time solely with God. It’s a necessary part of Christian life, and as such was demonstrated by Jesus. Being alone with God can reap rewards in our spiritual life as there are times, in the greater silence and focus that solitude brings, when we hear Him more clearly.

When we develop the spiritual discipline of being alone with God, focusing ourselves solely on Him, we feel His presence and know His love in a new and more intimate way.

Finally, one incredible thing to consider is this. When Jesus returns there will be no loneliness; there will be peace, wonder and joy in the presence of our Lord.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

(Revelation 21:4 - New International Version)